Starting over

My blood sugars have been high. Like really high. Like higher than they have EVER been in my lifetime (as far as I know anyway). You all know I've been frustrated with it and feel a little like a hamster on a wheel trying to find some kind of "cure".

Now, back when I was prego with Cosette I was all gung-ho on the "help my body heal itself" bandwagon and was full of victories.

And now, here I am, my body is drained... i'm drained... and my diabetes has just gotten worse. What is up with that!?!?!

I'm losing steam and I find myself getting frustrated and sneaking bites of a cookie or cheesecake or icecream or whatever. Heck, oftentimes I don't even test my blood sugars because I don't even want to know. There are days when i just can't handle see a way too high number on my blood glucose meter.

Today I realized two things.

1. Its obviously more than just a diet thing... when I woke up with a nice 108. Ate a salad and an omelet for breakfast because I wanted to really try to maintain that number. Didn't take my number after breakfast because I didn't want to be disappointed, had a whole bunch of almonds as a snack and had a salad and a salmon patty for lunch.

Took my blood sugars and they were in the 300's.

That's awesome. Way to put a damper on my afternoon. It was good to know that its not my diet that's the problem (except that I did let myself get hungry and I do consistently see big jumps like this when I allow any kind of hunger pain.).  Then I proceeded to eat a whole bunch of junk because in my mind it didn't matter anyway, my number goes high - might as well enjoy my food.

I am beginning to surrender.

2. I watched this movie this evening:
http://www.movie2k.to/Hungry-for-Change-watch-movie-2547215.html

I am a documentary junkie and this one was right up my alley. Its all about diet and especially geared toward people who are trying to lose weight but no diet works. They explain why we eat the way we do (its really an addiction) and I totally related to that part.

They, of course, explain it a lot better so you should just watch the movie ;-) but basically the food we eat is purposely addictive (by the people making the big bucks behind it all).They talk a lot about sugar but its not just sugar... its everything and I realized that I'm gradually falling back into my old addictions and trying to find ways to "sneak" them.

Basically, that food makes me feel good.

The movie is all good (that's why you should watch it - hint hint)  but there is this lady on there that changed her diet (raw foods, juicing, etc) and not only lost a ton of weight but cured herself of cancer.

Ok, people... if she can cure herself of cancer - I can beat this stupid diabetes.

So, tomorrow morning I'm going to pull out the juicer and get serious about getting some veggies in my diet. (juicing helps the veggies digest faster and easier getting the nutrients to our bodies faster).

I've got 2 weeks until my appt with the naturopath and my goal is to be well on my path to recovery when I get there.