Its almost 1 am and I just can't sleep.

There are a few things against me. 

1. Our AC isn't working and its HOT and we are all sleeping in the basement ...which is much cooler... but is not my comfy familiar bed.

2. I got the GAD antibody test results back today and I'm still sorting through my thoughts about it all...

I think the only way I'm going to get some sleep is if I finally write it all out, since I've spent the past 3 hours hashing it out in my mind.

I tested positive for GAD antibodies.  Now from what I understand, everyone has GAD antibodies in their body... but a higher level is a good sign that there is something attacking my pancreas which is what is causing type 1 diabetes.

Now, with that said, I've googled and googled this and the whole thing is really very confusing .... mostly because of the terminology and I'm not a doctor...I did read in a few places that just because you have high GAD antibodies does not mean 100% that you are type 1... but we are talking about google here and  that might be a bit of a stretch since I kind of fit in the perfect case for type 1 (especially the unexplained weight loss over the past year).

So, I guess, if I want to be "real" with myself, I should just do what my doctor says, take the insulin and eat the carbs like he wants me to.

But.... I'm JUST not ready to give in to that. 

One reason is that other doctor I saw... the OBGYN that went back to school and is now helping people lose weight and fight diabetes without insulin.  There are things that he said that make SO MUCH SENSE that I can't let it go.  Mainly, our body needs carbs for energy, and that's when we should be using them. The more we plan on burning the more carbs we eat... and vice versa. That makes sense. And since I don't spill ketones in my urine (meaning my body isn't burning my fat/protein storehouse), i don't see (and neither does this doctor) anything wrong with just adjusting my diet to keep my numbers down as long as I am getting enough calories.

The other reason is that I truly believe that God made our bodies in a way that they can heal themselves. I think it is rare but it can happen with some major sacrifices.

Heh.hem. Like drinking the insulin generator which, I gave up on, by the way ... because it was so nasty I couldn't handle it... and Lance called me a ninny but I don't care cause it was NASTY!!!

But, I have made some major sacrifices, like eating a salad 3 meals a day with a variety of greens, eating brussel sprouts, cabbage, green beans, carrots and lettuce all raw in at least one meal a day - and some other major sacrifices.

With sacrifices like these and some others, i believe God made our bodies in a way that they will heal themselves.

I just BELIEVE it. I believe God will heal me. I believe my body will repair itself. 

I JUST BELIEVE IT!! 

I can't really explain this level of belief that I have but its strong enough for me to buy brussel sprouts at the store (which have always been one of my least favorite veggies).... Now THAT'S something!! haha.

I believe it so much, I was laying in bed daydreaming about the letter I'm going to write to my ENDO next year when I am completely healed... thanking him for being such a great doctor and teaching him a different way of looking at medicine.

The whole thing brings me to tears but it is a different kind of tears then the ones I shed that day at Taco Bell.

Its tears of frustration because I can't explain to a doctor who has gone to school a heck of a lot longer than I did that I know in my heart is right.

Its tears of contentment because I've finally found a diet that works for me, gives me the calories I need, and keeps my numbers in an excellent range.

Its tears of faith at a level that i have never experienced before.

Its tears of fullness of God's assurance that He's got it under control

Its tears of anxiousness to see what the future is going to hold!

At this very moment I can feel the Holy Spirit's loving arms holding me tight and I am so SURE that He's got it covered.

He made the blind see, the lame walk, He's raised people from the dead, He's cured cancer, He's brought people out of addictions, He's helped the helpless, He is a God of MIRACLES and I BELIEVE IN HIM!