Javan's Birthday

Well, yesterday was Javan's birthday and it was a great day!

After breakfast we make a trip to Dunkin Donuts

(I know I am a horrible mom for making my son eat breakfast before we head over to Dunkin Donuts but the idea of eating donuts for breakfast is just one I can't understand - to me, Donuts are a desserts....but anyway...)

Javan got a big chocolate milk and a donut (actually Mom got him 2 donuts but he saved the 2nd one for the next day -  be still my heart) and he got to open a present that mom got him.  A book and an animal that goes with it. its really cool cause the stuffed animal talks during certain parts of the story. Technology.. sheesh.

After that, we came home and I took a looooong walk to burn off the carb/sugar from my donut (shhhhhh.....) and then Chad came and took Javan for a few hours during the day.

According to Javan, they went to his Grandma's house and played on the slip and slide with his cousin's Austin and Aislinn, had some birthday cake and went to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch (not necessarily in that order).

They were back by 4:00. That gave me plenty of time to get my work done and run to the dollar store to get some presents for him to open.

I know shopping at the dollar store for his birthday sounds a little cheap, but seriously, we learned at Christmas that a bunch of junky dollar store toys = many hours of happiness! haha. (plus, we have a bigger present to give to Javan on Saturday before his party)

Shana and Seth came over for dinner (Shane had to work and Luke is at camp), we opened presents and had some cake...

Javan got colorwonder stuff from Aunt Shana and family, dollar store stuff from me and Lance and a skateboard, rollarblades, hunting clothes and another book from mom-mom and pop-pop.

All in all it was a great day for the kiddo. :-)

I have some pics but they are on mom's camera so I will upload them hopefully soon

Javan had his last T-ball game today.

I made cupcakes cooked in ice-cream cones and put a cherry on top of the confetti icing....

I forgot to take a pic.

It was the highlight of Javan's day.

Not sure what he loved more, the cupcakes or his entire t-ball team singing happy birthday to him. :-)

Javan had a sleepover tonight with his buddy Ryan. Of course, Lance has the camera so I can't get too many pics but I took this one of them going to bed with my phone. Jav wanted me to set up his tent for them to sleep in. Haha.

Ok...I hear them sneaking around upstairs...gotta go crack the whip ;-)

So, today I went to my first appt with Dr. Schwartz.

I was really hoping that I would be able to get an ultrasound... but.. it didn't quite work out that way.

He happened to have a patient who was delivering her baby RIGHT at my appointment time.

I guess that's a fair excuse. haha.

Anyway, it was about 5:30 by the time i saw him (my appt was at 3!) so we just didn't have the time to do an ultrasound. His main concern was that my uterus is much smaller than what it should be at 17 weeks.  Which could mean I am off by my dates or something isn't right with the baby (or a million other options, I suppose).  He took some bloodwork for a test that checks for cystic fibrosis. He chose this one because he said it usually comes out abnormal when your off with the dates.

If it comes out abnormal, then he will have me come in next week for an ultrasound. If it comes out normal, then 4 more weeks until we can see how everything is progressing in there (and find out the sex of the baby).

He was happy with the blood sugars and all that was good. I have to call in with my numbers for the next week and do a fasting blood glucose test.

All in all, I really liked him. He was attentive and receptive to my crazy rebellious choices... haha...

Javan was already tucked into bed yet I could hear the pitter patter of little feet above me while I was doing the dishes. So, I head upstairs to lay down the law...  ;-)

As I'm walking up the stairs I yell "Ok, Javan, you need to go to bed"

And I hear calling back "Ok, mom, but would you give me two or three more hugs?"

How adorable is HE?!?!

I gave him four hugs. An extra one because he's so darn cute!

I miss my Lance

We dropped Lance off at the airport today. Javan was totally fine until we got back in the car to drive home.

Javan just burst into tears!! "I am going to miss Lance so much!!"  I made Lance come back and give him one last hug.

Javan literally cried off and on all day about how much he doesn't want Lance to be gone and how much he misses him. (Granted, I assume SOME of it was a good tactic for a little extra attention).

After his swim lessons he goes.. "I miss my daddy....AND I miss my Lance"

Honestly, he's acting as though Lance is never coming back!

I guess for an (almost) 5 year old who has already been through a lot....having Lance leave for 2 weeks is kind of a big deal.  I guess we are just going to have to make this week EXTRA fun.

Its a no-brainer that next week is going to be a blast cause Mom-mom's going to be here AND we will have birthday to celebrate :-D

For fathers day Javan decorated a paper bag with a picture of a "ghost car" that he drew and inside he put a little wooden box he made with a robot on top.

Javan said "you can put money and candy in it" :-)

He was so excited to give Lance his little present!!

The baby wished Lance a Happy Fathers Day :-)

pickles and pregnancy

You know there is that pregnancy cliché about craving pickles....

Well, I've never really had many craving while pregnant with Javan and haven't so far with this one either but....

If I am feeling hungry for a snack at night I usually eat pickles.. it has nothing to do with the pregnancy...it just happens to be a great low carb snack and the vinegar is really helpful in keeping my numbers down in the morning.

I try to keep all of my higher carb foods before dinner :-)

Today was an interesting day. I was awoken with Javan complaining because it was too dark in his room. I told him to just turn the bathroom light on but I could hear him just standing in the hallway.  So, i went to check it out.

He was just standing there in there dark .... trying to figure out what to do because NONE of the lights were working.

I  told him it looks like the electricity went out and to go back to sleep. His reply:

" but, mommy, will my fan work. I'm SO HOT..."  I didn't think about the lack of AC with no electricity. So, we all packed up and slept in the basement.

The electricity didn't come back on until 6:00 tonight. 16 hours later!

So, we ate out at every meal since we didn't want to open the fridge/freezer and let cold air out. Which, for me, is NOT easy. Since last weekend I had a VERY bad experience with a chicken wrap and a salad with bacon... (169 - 2 hours later) i've decided not to stray from my usual salad at restaurants and was super careful about my carbs (you never know where added sugar and carbs get thrown in there without you knowing).  I did get to enjoy an apple and a banana today for my carbs - pretty awesome since I don't usually get 2 fruits in one day! Jackpot!

So... anyway, I was a little hungry this evening...

and so began the little chuckle about my pregnant self's desire for a pickle snack :-)

So, today we were sitting at the dinner table and Javan comes over and starts rubbing my chest.

I look at him with a curious look "WHAT are you doing?"

He says "I want to feel the baby"

Haha... the baby is down here, honey.

 I don't know why but I found that to be soooo funny but I just had to share it. :-)

Javan Scott Conder - world traveler

So, Chad's parents called me the other day and asked if they could take Javan to Hawaii for 2 weeks!!!

HAWAII!?!?!? He's FIVE!  FOR 2 WEEKS!! Yikes.

I had to put a lot of thought in it. On one hand.. its a long time for him to be away and he actually returns while we are in Alaska... which makes it even longer. It will be EXTREMELY hard for me and of course there is the safety factor. I mean its a long flight...what if something happened..I shudder to think.

On the other hand, both of his cousins are going as well. And it is a great opportunity and I know he would have a wonderful time. I trust Chad's parents with him and IF I said no..i think Javan would feel bad at what he missed out on. So, i said YES. He will be gone July 22 through Aug10th.

Now, just yesterday, Lance's boss asked him if he would do a job in Puerto Rico for about 4 weeks. I was soooo upset. I'm not sure what I was more upset about. That he was going to be gone for a month or that he was going to be somewhere cool for a month without me! haha.

So, Lance's "solution"...

He decided to fly me and Javan out there and spend 2 weeks with him!! Javan and I will be flying to Puerto Rico July 5th and returning on the 17th. :-) and then on the 22nd he will be traveling to Hawaii. I think Javan is seeing more of the world at age 5 than most adults!! haha.

T-ball

Javan had another T-ball game tonight.

He in number 10 and I found out this weekend that both Luke AND Seth were number 10 too!! What a funny coincidence! Shana said she thought one of JR and Kim's boys were number 10 in t-ball too but i'm not sure.

Anyway, he is doing great :-) Really getting the hang of how to play.

Here are some pics!

https://picasaweb.google.com/Merriettgrace/JavanSTball?authkey=Gv1sRgCP7X7beZp9mj6AE

16 week pic

Its almost 1 am and I just can't sleep.

There are a few things against me. 

1. Our AC isn't working and its HOT and we are all sleeping in the basement ...which is much cooler... but is not my comfy familiar bed.

2. I got the GAD antibody test results back today and I'm still sorting through my thoughts about it all...

I think the only way I'm going to get some sleep is if I finally write it all out, since I've spent the past 3 hours hashing it out in my mind.

I tested positive for GAD antibodies.  Now from what I understand, everyone has GAD antibodies in their body... but a higher level is a good sign that there is something attacking my pancreas which is what is causing type 1 diabetes.

Now, with that said, I've googled and googled this and the whole thing is really very confusing .... mostly because of the terminology and I'm not a doctor...I did read in a few places that just because you have high GAD antibodies does not mean 100% that you are type 1... but we are talking about google here and  that might be a bit of a stretch since I kind of fit in the perfect case for type 1 (especially the unexplained weight loss over the past year).

So, I guess, if I want to be "real" with myself, I should just do what my doctor says, take the insulin and eat the carbs like he wants me to.

But.... I'm JUST not ready to give in to that. 

One reason is that other doctor I saw... the OBGYN that went back to school and is now helping people lose weight and fight diabetes without insulin.  There are things that he said that make SO MUCH SENSE that I can't let it go.  Mainly, our body needs carbs for energy, and that's when we should be using them. The more we plan on burning the more carbs we eat... and vice versa. That makes sense. And since I don't spill ketones in my urine (meaning my body isn't burning my fat/protein storehouse), i don't see (and neither does this doctor) anything wrong with just adjusting my diet to keep my numbers down as long as I am getting enough calories.

The other reason is that I truly believe that God made our bodies in a way that they can heal themselves. I think it is rare but it can happen with some major sacrifices.

Heh.hem. Like drinking the insulin generator which, I gave up on, by the way ... because it was so nasty I couldn't handle it... and Lance called me a ninny but I don't care cause it was NASTY!!!

But, I have made some major sacrifices, like eating a salad 3 meals a day with a variety of greens, eating brussel sprouts, cabbage, green beans, carrots and lettuce all raw in at least one meal a day - and some other major sacrifices.

With sacrifices like these and some others, i believe God made our bodies in a way that they will heal themselves.

I just BELIEVE it. I believe God will heal me. I believe my body will repair itself. 

I JUST BELIEVE IT!! 

I can't really explain this level of belief that I have but its strong enough for me to buy brussel sprouts at the store (which have always been one of my least favorite veggies).... Now THAT'S something!! haha.

I believe it so much, I was laying in bed daydreaming about the letter I'm going to write to my ENDO next year when I am completely healed... thanking him for being such a great doctor and teaching him a different way of looking at medicine.

The whole thing brings me to tears but it is a different kind of tears then the ones I shed that day at Taco Bell.

Its tears of frustration because I can't explain to a doctor who has gone to school a heck of a lot longer than I did that I know in my heart is right.

Its tears of contentment because I've finally found a diet that works for me, gives me the calories I need, and keeps my numbers in an excellent range.

Its tears of faith at a level that i have never experienced before.

Its tears of fullness of God's assurance that He's got it under control

Its tears of anxiousness to see what the future is going to hold!

At this very moment I can feel the Holy Spirit's loving arms holding me tight and I am so SURE that He's got it covered.

He made the blind see, the lame walk, He's raised people from the dead, He's cured cancer, He's brought people out of addictions, He's helped the helpless, He is a God of MIRACLES and I BELIEVE IN HIM!

My big boy can now read his "my first reading" books by himself! So proud of him!!!!

a little update

Previously, I have not really been able to eat any carbs (besides beans, oats or an occassional apple) without my numbers going crazy.

But, things are a changin'

Today I had my usual salad for breakfast with some eggs. Usually, I have a small bowl of oatmeal but Lance made some pancakes and I REALLY wanted one. Despite the fact that I knew eating one would make my numbers do loopdy loops I decided to give it a try.

One hour later... i tested my blood sugar... 113!!!!   Did I read that right?!!?!?!!?!??! THAT'S AMAZINGLY GREAT (anything below 145 is good) whoa!

So, that lead to some more experimenting.  For dinner I made chicken and some rice, corn and beans.  Normally, I would just eat the corn and beans with the chicken (plus my salad)...Corn and Beans are both carb-a-licious.  Today, I chose to have some rice as well.  A week ago, a dinner like that would have put me close to 200.  Today... 150 (I hour after). Like I said earlier anything below 145 is good so that 150 was a little high which tells me next time, maybe a little less rice...but STILL this is AMAZING! If i still continue to see this kind of improvement, next week i'll be able to eat the diabetic diet that the dietitian recommended without any issue.

This is day 3 of no insulin and no numbers above 150.

Also, it is interesting to point out that previously, if my number was high after the 1 hour test... the 2 hour test would not show much improvement and I would have to take insulin or drink apple cider vinegar to bring it down.. but NOW... the numbers are going down on their own.

Last night I set an alarm for every 2 hours to be sure that my numbers aren't going crazy while I am sleeping. Each time I tested my sugars the number was in 80-90 range.  Excellent!  AND ... no ketones.

I truly believe that God is in the process of healing my body. I have been getting prayer at church each Sunday and I know there are several others who are praying for me as well.  I believe our God is a God of miracles and I believe He will continue to heal my body!  I also heard today that in Javan's sunday school class they asked for any prayer requests and he asked that they pray for the baby in my tummy.  Its makes me so happy to know that he sees and hears us praying for for the baby's health and he believes in His healing ability.

And now.. i am going to attempt to make the insulin generator juice.  I know, I know...I said I was going to make it awhile ago. I'll be honest with ya... im not looking forward to it. But, here goes nothin!  It God's medicine, right... so I better take it ;-)

At Javans big t-ball game on a hot 90 degree day.

Won't go down without a fight

Yesterday I had an appointment with the Endo.  I was excited to go because I  was going to get my bloodwork back and also I was anxious to tell the doctor that I was completely off of insulin at night!!

Yes, you read that right. I adjusted my diet... and now, with no insulin, always wake up under 90!!

The test results...

c-peptide - these are released whenever you release insulin from your pancreas. Since it is so hard to test "insulin" they test the levels of c-peptide.  The amount was very small.  Which means I am type 1 diabetic.  Its still so crazy to think!!!  Anyway, for me it is encouraging because my pancreas IS still releasing a small amount...there is still hope for me to restore my pancreas- as long as I can stay off of the insulin

Here's why:  Just like all of your other organs, the cells regenerate over time. I was told about every 6 months you basically regenerate all of your organs.  So, whatever is wrong with my pancreas MAY heal itself over the next 6 months (of course, it may take longer...that's just an average) or so as the cells are regenerated.  BUT... if my pancreas becomes dependent on the insulin then it will rely on it so much that it will never create insulin again (i haven't been able to find out if that were to happen what the chances of the pancreas possibly recreating insulin is - but I know it is slim. Truthfully, this isn't talked about much at all....people don't know about this...doctors don't teach this kind of "therapy", which I will discuss later).

A1C - my A1C was 9.  The A1c number determines the average amount of sugar in my blood over the past 3 months. Anything over 8 in pregnancy is worth worrying about. i asked what the range was (like is it 1 out of 10) and he said  "Oh, no.. i've seen people with an a1c of 30 or 40!!" but 9 isn't good.  It means my average blood sugar over the past 3 months was about 250.  WHICH...also leads to the fact that I was a diabetic before pregnancy (since I am only 3 months at this point).

GAD antibodies - these are antibodies that attack your pancreas. I think I wrote about this before, but I can't remember so here you go... Nobody really knows the cause of type 1 diabetes. Some theories are that you have acquired a virus that attacks your pancreas which results in it not producing insulin. That's basically the GAD antibodies (there are a few other antibodies to test for... but its an expensive blood test...so we started here).The bad thing is that these "attacking virus's" or antibodies can actually cause scar tissue on the pancreas which also could inhibit insulin producing. Scar tissue might take a long time to heal... but anyway, you've got to get the antibodies gone first.  Well, these test results didn't come back yet... to be continued... 

p.s. another theory of why the pancreas stops producing insulin is an allergy to MILK. Yeah, crazy, huh. Which is why i've cut it out at this point. Not worth the chance (plus, I only drink milk in cereal and I don't allow those carbs in my diet).

Everything else came back normal (thyroid, kidney, whatever else he tested me for...)

So, I told the doctor that I was off of the insulin at night. 

He was LESS THAN pleased.

He told me that I am starving the baby. I must not be getting enough calories to have a number like that. He told me that I am probably spilling ketones which is just as dangerous for the baby as high blood sugars. He also said "Even if you don't need it to keep your number down... I want you to take at least SOME insulin at night"  to keep my ketones even.  I could not convince him that I was getting enough calories!! 

I wanted to SCREAM!!!  

So, what did I do when I left the doctors office???  Did I immediately inject myself with an insulin shot!! 

Heck no!!!

I went to the store and bought ketone strips!!!!!  And guess what... NO KETONES IN MY URINE!!

So, that will be part of my daily routine.  

By the way, i have now gone 2 days without any insulin (day or night). My numbers have not gone over 150 and my waking number is always under 90.

For reference, here is what I am doing:

A large breakfast, medium lunch, small dinner and a bedtime snack if I am feeling hungry.  

Salad at every meal (with oil and vinegar for the dressing).  I've cut out red meat (for the most part... i'm sure I will cheat a little). I've cut out milk (for the most part.. i did read that if you find ketones in your urine to drink milk so I may have a glass from time to time). I have at LEAST one carb at every meal (depending on my blood sugar number and what activity I plan to do after the meal)... however, I am extremely choosy about the carbs.  plain oatmeal made with water, any beans, and apples are the main carbs I eat. None of these shoot my blood sugar over 150 (that is because of the fiber) AND of course, there are carbs in vegetables which I eat a lot of.  I've cut out all fatty foods....Well, bad fats... I enjoy Avacados (when I can afford them. heh.) and nuts as a snack if I am feeling hungry in between meals. 

If I know that I am going to be doing some physical activity, i will eat an extra carb to cover the energy that burns the carbs.

I bought a juicer the other day. I've played around with it a little bit but haven't made any of the juices that are recommended in the little books it came with. I bought it on craigslist and they threw in 3 OLD (like from the 70's) books about juicing for health. In those AND in 2 of the books I got from the library they talk about the "insulin generator" juice which is supposed to promote insulin production. I plan on drinking this juice everyday. 

That says how determined I am.  The juice includes brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, and string beans (BARF) .  BUT... if it gets my pancreas to increase insulin production... its worth it. 

I mean.. i drink apple cider vinegar every day now...for goodness sakes (another trick to keeping blood sugar low)!!!

By the way, for those who are interested...juicing is extremely beneficial because you  are able to extract a more concentrated amount of nutrients from the food.  THAT'S why they always say "chew chew chew your food" ... yes, there IS the choking factor.. but its also that the more you chew the more nutrients you get.  Juicing, however, removes all fiber from your food... therefore it shouldn't be the ONLY way you get your veggies.

What I found incredibly interesting was that these books written back in the 70's talked ALL about adjusting your diet to produce more insulin... they talked about your pancreas becoming reliant on the artificial insulin... that was 40 years ago!!!!! 

YET... doctors are so quick to diagnose type 1 diabetes and throw you on the insulin without first trying the natural option (of course, i would say that the majority of patients would probably prefer that option over giving up meat and milk and eating a salad for breakfast, lunch, and dinner).  I believe that if that c-peptide number is greater than 0... there is still hope.  Heck, i don't know... there might still be hope if that number is 0... 

Anyway, I'm not going to give my pancreas 6 months off of its duties while I finish out this pregnancy. I'm going to MAKE THAT BAD BOY WORK!! 

Feel the burn, baby... feel the burn! haha. 

And continue to pray that God will heal my pancreas and restore the insulin.

In other news.. i was laying on my stomach on Thursday night and I felt the baby give one swift kick!! haha. It made me jump!! I think it was especially hard because I was laying on my stomach so it pushed against the bed.  :-) It felt so good to know that there is a strong healthy baby in there!!