Well, I'm 24 weeks prego now and what a long journey this has been.
Man, I thought my pregnancy with Cosette was hard but this one took the cake.... Oh why did I mention CAKE!
Last week I had a dream that I was at a party and it was all different kinds of yummy cakes and desserts. And I walked around looking at them. Just looking because that's what I do at parties. I just look at the cakes and pretend I can taste them. Then there was one that I could eat. it had no carbs. It looked sweet and delicious and ... and ... and ... I dropped it on the floor. I cried. CRIED. bawled.
I woke up crying. Not like a couple of tears but weeping on my pillow. My pillow was soaked.
I cried all morning. Its not about the cake. Its about finally finding a way to live with diabetes and then completely losing it.
And that just about sums up the past 6 weeks.
Its. been. awful.
I have been eating the same things I did with Cosette and my numbers still seemed to want to go up over the range I know they should be. When I was pregnant with Cosette, they would go down about 20 points every hour after I ate. But, with this pregnancy they stayed there. Right there - same number hour after hour (unless I exercised to get them down).
So, regardless of eating and doing all of the same things that I ate when prego with Cosette - plus I completely cut out diary and meat (which did help a bit)... MY NUMBERS WOULD STILL GO HIGHER than I wanted them to.
grr... so, in order to get them down I needed to exercise.
Which works, my friends. Its the one thing that ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS works
So, every day after breakfast - I would run up and down the stairs until my numbers would go to where I wanted them...
Then after lunch - I would run up and down the stairs until my numbers would be where I wanted them...
and then I would eat an early dinner, cook something else for my family (because I can't eat what they eat) and while they ate dinner I would walk around our little block until the numbers would be where I wanted them to be. When it was warmer we would all go for walks as a family but now that it is cooler, I've been going on my own.
Night time has been the hardest to get them down. Not sure what the deal is but if I wait until after 8:00 (when the kids are in bed) then my window of opportunity to get them down is lost... and whatever is it is what it will be in the morning. (which is the most important time for me because your body has 8 hours of staying at that number. Which if its good and low it brings the entire average down).
Usually by the evening walk - I'm walking in tears.
Lance and Javan have been so supportive. Lance never really knows what to say when he sees me walk in the door from a long walk, tears streaming down my face - so he usually says something like "Hey Baby your lookin GOOOOOD - Have you been working out? Dang." or something ridiculous like that that makes me want to laugh and punch him all at the same time.
No, really, that made him sound totally insensitive but he has been really really supportive and does his best to give hugs and make me laugh when I need it. He's been a huge help with the kids - with all this exercising it has left him to take care of the kids.
Javan my little sweetheart has prayed over me so many times. He is always very curious about my "numbers" and tries to encourage me with cute things like "Its ok, mommy, your numbers will be better tomorrow"
I have been so very tired. So, so, so tired.
Not really physically. Honestly, I have had more energy physically since all of this exercise than ever before... but emotionally, i just am toast.
Every day, at least once a day I have been in tears over this. I honestly wasn't sure I could make it through this pregnancy without an emotional breakdown.
I prayed and prayed and prayed that He would heal me. I now know for sure it was God's healing powers that were at work through my pregnancy with Cosette.
The ONE THING I didn't do with this pregnancy was get prayer during service at church.
Why? I don't have a reason. Maybe I felt slightly embarrassed.. it WAS just last year that I was pregnant and getting prayer for THE SAME EXACT THING.I don't know why that would matter but Satan likes to twist thing up in our minds.
Maybe it was that I felt like my prayers should be just as powerful as those at church. And I don't believe it has to do with WHO prayed for me or WHERE I got prayed for...
I actually think it has most to do with me taking credit for beating diabetes with my very thought out meal plan and exercise regimen. I think God wanted me to try EVERYTHING I could think of with very little success before turning to Him JUST to drive the point home that this can't be done without Him.
So, I went up for prayer.
In all the years I've been attending this church, this was the first time that the pastor was the one who prayed for me. As I said earlier, I really don't think it has to do with the PERSON that is praying for you BUT it was pretty sweet that our pastor happens to be so in tune with the Holy Spirit that he gets prophetic pictures from Him.
So our pastor, Mark, prayed for me and this is what he said "I keep getting a picture of you standing there and Jesus is on your right side and he keeps putting his fingers over your lips. In the most comforting, loving way...." He prayed some things about joy and some other stuff but he kept going back to that picture. He said "Its strange because usually when I have a picture like that I get something else to follow up with but He keeps showing me that same picture like I'm not 'getting' it. He keeps covering your lips like to say "don't worry" or something"
That's it. It was probably 5 min of prayer. That's the way our pastor rolls. He's truly a "no fluff" kind of dude.
I went back to my seat and knew exactly what The Lord was saying. He was saying "Don't worry".
I wasn't sure at the time if he was saying "don't worry, I'm going to heal you." or if he was saying "don't worry - keep doing what you are doing this baby is going to be fine" but I was REALLY hoping that it was the first one.
...and it was... yes, my friends. I went to bed with a too high number and said "forget it.. tonight I'm waaaaayyyy too emotionally exhausted to do anything about it" and the next morning my numbers where.... where... where... a teensy bit high but MANAGEABLE! NEVER in the past 6 weeks has my morning number been lower than the before bed number.
And this week my numbers have been awesome. Still have to work out a few kinks but I am at least able to manage them.
WAHOO... PRAISE GOD.
And so the lesson I have learned is that I am NO expert on diabetes and this diabetes (or the diabetes with my pregnancy with Cosette) would never have been managed this way without the power of prayer.
