This afternoon I asked Javan if he wanted to go for a walk with me.. his answer "why mom? Did you eat too many carbs?" then he was quiet for a few min and said "mom, what are carbs anyway..."
He is such a little pip! Haha.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Isn't this what we all would do on a Friday afternoon? Haha
My life got flipped, turned upside down....
Yesterday was probably one of THE most difficult days I've experienced in a long time.
It started off at the Endocrinologist at 8am. He was very kind and actually quite compassionate (for a doctor) and spent PLENTY of time with me answering my questions and discussing my situation.
The bottom line is that I have type 1 diabetes and probably had it before I got pregnant.
He sent me with insulin and all sorts of information that was just a **little** overwhelming! He really wanted me to see a dietitian right away and the only opening they had was the same day at 11:30... sigh... the day was already exhausting. The dietitian gave me even more info about my diet (stuff I already had from Kim) and showed me how to inject the needle at bedtime.
INJECT A NEEDLE...I keep wondering if this is my life or if I'm in a nightmare that won't end!
I was still hopeful about another appointment that I made at 3:40. He was previously an OBGYN and went back to school to learn about diet and weight loss and healing your body through foods, etc. (i actually have no idea EXACTLY what he went to school for but that about sums it up).
What I got from him wasn't exactly what I was hoping.
Basically.... he agrees I'm type 1 (almost for sure but ordered the same blood work as the ENDO), he believes I need to take insulin at night for sure. But, he said I can modify my diet during the day so I don't have to take the daytime insulin AND he believes cutting back on carbs is perfectly fine for the baby. He basically told me... if you know you are going to go on a walk or a bike ride... eat some carbs. Basically.. just eat the carbs when you know you need to burn them...otherwise.. meats, nuts, vegetables... I don't know he gave me so much paperwork that explains it all thoroughly and I haven't taken the time to look through it all.
After that doctors appt, we had to stop at a fast food joint for something to eat because we had about 20 min until Javan's gymnastics class. Most places have salads so fast food hasn't been much of an issue (plus, I really like the salads too)
but... um... word to the wise... taco bell is NOT the best choice for a diabetic.
(Did I just call myself a diabetic?? ugh. that will take some getting used to!)
Their salads are basically 1 small piece of chicken... lettuce and rice and beans all layed in a taco bowl (carbs, ugh!) and when i tried to dump my lettuce and chicken pieces out the taco bowl broke and every time I kept trying to move it ... it kept breaking which resulted in a emotional breakdown in the middle of taco bell.
There's nothing like crying in Taco Bell to really sum up the day.
Well, actually, what was the icing on the cake was when i made Javan a fruit and yogurt smoothie when we got home (one of those favorite healthy snacks that we always had that I have to limit). I was fine with making it (i even took a sneaky lick...shh....) but it was afterwards when Javan was walking around drinking it and I ran into him and he DROPPED THE WHOLE THING...
Blueberry, strawberry yogurt smoothie deliciousness all over the walls and floors. ***sigh*** I cried more while I helped Javan clean it up.
After Javan went to bed Lance and I discussed the whole home birth. Something that I wanted so badly is beginning to become less and less of a reality as time goes on. If I could have maintained my levels at bedtime at a healthy rate without insulin I could do it... but I can't. I can't control what my body does while I am sleeping. I must take insulin at night. Being an insulin dependent mommy means a home birth is pretty much out of the question. My midwife is going to speak with the doctor at the birthing center to see what their thoughts are on the situation of having a baby at the center but its highly unlikely AND even if they were willing to.. i don't know if I want to take that kind of risk.
My evening was spent crying, wishing, hoping, praying, wanting and REALIZING that this is my life...these are my options ... and I will still have a healthy baby come November (as long as God protected him/her during the first 3 months with high sugars.) We will have a sonogram next month that looks closely at the baby's organs and brain development, etc...PLEASE continue to pray that this baby is strong and healthy in there.
By the way, this morning after taking insulin my number was 106... much better than the 140 that it was!! I woke up very shaky and thought my numbers must be very low. The doctor said that that happened because my body got used to being so high and I will adjust. I was surprised to get a phone call from the doctor this morning checking in. i guess he is planning on calling every morning until we can get them under 95.
After breakfast (and a little apple cider vinegar) my number was 127!! That is WITHOUT any additional insulin! I believe I can control my daytime numbers and keep away from the daytime insulin as much as possible.
It started off at the Endocrinologist at 8am. He was very kind and actually quite compassionate (for a doctor) and spent PLENTY of time with me answering my questions and discussing my situation.
The bottom line is that I have type 1 diabetes and probably had it before I got pregnant.
He sent me with insulin and all sorts of information that was just a **little** overwhelming! He really wanted me to see a dietitian right away and the only opening they had was the same day at 11:30... sigh... the day was already exhausting. The dietitian gave me even more info about my diet (stuff I already had from Kim) and showed me how to inject the needle at bedtime.
INJECT A NEEDLE...I keep wondering if this is my life or if I'm in a nightmare that won't end!
I was still hopeful about another appointment that I made at 3:40. He was previously an OBGYN and went back to school to learn about diet and weight loss and healing your body through foods, etc. (i actually have no idea EXACTLY what he went to school for but that about sums it up).
What I got from him wasn't exactly what I was hoping.
Basically.... he agrees I'm type 1 (almost for sure but ordered the same blood work as the ENDO), he believes I need to take insulin at night for sure. But, he said I can modify my diet during the day so I don't have to take the daytime insulin AND he believes cutting back on carbs is perfectly fine for the baby. He basically told me... if you know you are going to go on a walk or a bike ride... eat some carbs. Basically.. just eat the carbs when you know you need to burn them...otherwise.. meats, nuts, vegetables... I don't know he gave me so much paperwork that explains it all thoroughly and I haven't taken the time to look through it all.
After that doctors appt, we had to stop at a fast food joint for something to eat because we had about 20 min until Javan's gymnastics class. Most places have salads so fast food hasn't been much of an issue (plus, I really like the salads too)
but... um... word to the wise... taco bell is NOT the best choice for a diabetic.
(Did I just call myself a diabetic?? ugh. that will take some getting used to!)
Their salads are basically 1 small piece of chicken... lettuce and rice and beans all layed in a taco bowl (carbs, ugh!) and when i tried to dump my lettuce and chicken pieces out the taco bowl broke and every time I kept trying to move it ... it kept breaking which resulted in a emotional breakdown in the middle of taco bell.
There's nothing like crying in Taco Bell to really sum up the day.
Well, actually, what was the icing on the cake was when i made Javan a fruit and yogurt smoothie when we got home (one of those favorite healthy snacks that we always had that I have to limit). I was fine with making it (i even took a sneaky lick...shh....) but it was afterwards when Javan was walking around drinking it and I ran into him and he DROPPED THE WHOLE THING...
Blueberry, strawberry yogurt smoothie deliciousness all over the walls and floors. ***sigh*** I cried more while I helped Javan clean it up.
After Javan went to bed Lance and I discussed the whole home birth. Something that I wanted so badly is beginning to become less and less of a reality as time goes on. If I could have maintained my levels at bedtime at a healthy rate without insulin I could do it... but I can't. I can't control what my body does while I am sleeping. I must take insulin at night. Being an insulin dependent mommy means a home birth is pretty much out of the question. My midwife is going to speak with the doctor at the birthing center to see what their thoughts are on the situation of having a baby at the center but its highly unlikely AND even if they were willing to.. i don't know if I want to take that kind of risk.
My evening was spent crying, wishing, hoping, praying, wanting and REALIZING that this is my life...these are my options ... and I will still have a healthy baby come November (as long as God protected him/her during the first 3 months with high sugars.) We will have a sonogram next month that looks closely at the baby's organs and brain development, etc...PLEASE continue to pray that this baby is strong and healthy in there.
By the way, this morning after taking insulin my number was 106... much better than the 140 that it was!! I woke up very shaky and thought my numbers must be very low. The doctor said that that happened because my body got used to being so high and I will adjust. I was surprised to get a phone call from the doctor this morning checking in. i guess he is planning on calling every morning until we can get them under 95.
After breakfast (and a little apple cider vinegar) my number was 127!! That is WITHOUT any additional insulin! I believe I can control my daytime numbers and keep away from the daytime insulin as much as possible.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I forgot to mention
The midwife said that they baby is AT LEAST 12 weeks and I calculated about 14 weeks at this point. so I am somewhere between 12 and 14 weeks. We will find out more next month when we do the diagnostic ultrasound.
The good, the bad, and the ugly
So, its been a LOOOOONG couple of weeks. I feel terrible for Javan because I am been so distracted and stressed. Any free minutes that I aren't spent working are spent either sleeping or googling. But, I think the mysteries are getting solved now so things are looking up!
Well, first of all. Last week was a great week. Javan had his preschool graduation... which I totally forgot my camera. I tried to take pics with my phone but they were aweful. That says where my brain has been lately!! haha. Saturday was Javan's first T-ball game. He had a great time and I DID remember the camera for THAT. Shew. I will load up pics soon.
The diabetes. Welp... I bought a glucose meter and ...well... my blood sugars were absolutely wild. I would eat 8 wheat thins and they would go up to like 260 or something crazy like that. It was a difficult week, trying to figure out what I was able to eat and what not. I tried just cutting down on the carbs but it didn't help.
It was frustrating and scary and exhausting. On Thursday, I ended up on the floor in tears, begging God to take it all away from me and take care of it. I couldn't handle all of this stress any longer. That night I had a dream that they did an ultrasound and there was a little baby girl in there with dark curly hair and she looked like a toddler and she was DANCING and PLAYING and DOING FLIPTY LOOPS in my tummy and the doctor goes "doesn't she know she's not supposed to be dancing in there. haha.
Lance said that it was God's way of telling me everything is going to be JUST FINE.
Anyway, the next day I noticed that when I ate pickles my blood sugar dropped tremendously. Lance and I were talking about it and realized that we thought maybe it was the vinegar. So, I pretended I was at a bar and took a shot of good ol Apple Cider Vinegar. Boom. my blood sugars dropped about 50 points!! Unbelievable! So... I cut out all carbs and fruit and drank 1T of apple cider vinegar after each meal and exercised 30 min a day and got them down to normal ranges 90-140 but still that waking number I couldn't get down below 140. That number should not be over 100 when pregnant.
I am seeing a doctor tomorrow morning but my midwife believes that I must have had diabetes before this pregnancy and didn't know it. That does explain the 10lb weight loss over the past year. I didn't know that was a symptom. Which, the scary news is that high blood sugars during the first trimester can be very dangerous for the baby... but I didn't know and I can't change time. I just have to trust that God's got it under control. He's hasn't let me down yet!
And speaking of the baby....I went in to see the midwife about the diabetes and while I was there I had an ultrasound. I know, mom... ultrasounds are dangerous for the baby ... BUT IT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY... and I think the relief of stress was worth it to see a HEALTHY BABY KICKING AND JUMPING AND SUCKING HIS/HER THUMB. Oh how I cried! It was so beautiful!! I have a picture, I will post next.
I think life is on its way to being back to "normal" with a slight variation with this whole diabetes thing. I can handle that...... :-)
Well, first of all. Last week was a great week. Javan had his preschool graduation... which I totally forgot my camera. I tried to take pics with my phone but they were aweful. That says where my brain has been lately!! haha. Saturday was Javan's first T-ball game. He had a great time and I DID remember the camera for THAT. Shew. I will load up pics soon.
The diabetes. Welp... I bought a glucose meter and ...well... my blood sugars were absolutely wild. I would eat 8 wheat thins and they would go up to like 260 or something crazy like that. It was a difficult week, trying to figure out what I was able to eat and what not. I tried just cutting down on the carbs but it didn't help.
It was frustrating and scary and exhausting. On Thursday, I ended up on the floor in tears, begging God to take it all away from me and take care of it. I couldn't handle all of this stress any longer. That night I had a dream that they did an ultrasound and there was a little baby girl in there with dark curly hair and she looked like a toddler and she was DANCING and PLAYING and DOING FLIPTY LOOPS in my tummy and the doctor goes "doesn't she know she's not supposed to be dancing in there. haha.
Lance said that it was God's way of telling me everything is going to be JUST FINE.
Anyway, the next day I noticed that when I ate pickles my blood sugar dropped tremendously. Lance and I were talking about it and realized that we thought maybe it was the vinegar. So, I pretended I was at a bar and took a shot of good ol Apple Cider Vinegar. Boom. my blood sugars dropped about 50 points!! Unbelievable! So... I cut out all carbs and fruit and drank 1T of apple cider vinegar after each meal and exercised 30 min a day and got them down to normal ranges 90-140 but still that waking number I couldn't get down below 140. That number should not be over 100 when pregnant.
I am seeing a doctor tomorrow morning but my midwife believes that I must have had diabetes before this pregnancy and didn't know it. That does explain the 10lb weight loss over the past year. I didn't know that was a symptom. Which, the scary news is that high blood sugars during the first trimester can be very dangerous for the baby... but I didn't know and I can't change time. I just have to trust that God's got it under control. He's hasn't let me down yet!
And speaking of the baby....I went in to see the midwife about the diabetes and while I was there I had an ultrasound. I know, mom... ultrasounds are dangerous for the baby ... BUT IT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY... and I think the relief of stress was worth it to see a HEALTHY BABY KICKING AND JUMPING AND SUCKING HIS/HER THUMB. Oh how I cried! It was so beautiful!! I have a picture, I will post next.
I think life is on its way to being back to "normal" with a slight variation with this whole diabetes thing. I can handle that...... :-)
Monday, May 16, 2011
God is testing my patience
Apparently, I needed a lesson on patience. We went to the midwife today and STILL no heartbeat. technically, I should be about 10-12 weeks.
We toyed around with the idea of going back for another ultrasound on Wednesday but decided against yet. Yes, if I got a heartbeat on the ultrasound, it would ease my peace of mind but if I didn't I think it would just make things worse.... She did hear the pulse of my placenta, so that is good.
The options are:
1. The baby is developing behind the placenta and we just can't see or hear it
2. I actually had a miscarriage and got pregnant again right away meaning that I'm not as far along as we thought. This sounds ridiculous because I didn't experience any bleeding but the midwife says it CAN happen and the body could have absorbed the bleeding...or something like that.
3. I have a blighted ovum - which basically gives you the signs of pregnancy (including increased hcg levels) but no baby. if this were the case, I should have already miscarried by now... but its a possibility.
The thing is...even if there is a complication with the baby, we wouldn't do a D&C anyway. So, we'd have to wait for my body to naturally miscarry. So, what's the point of going for another ultrasound. The next appointment is on June 13th. We can only pray that by then we will hear a heartbeat.
Oh and my blood sugar levels were pretty good. They were a tiny bit high but not alarming. :-)
We toyed around with the idea of going back for another ultrasound on Wednesday but decided against yet. Yes, if I got a heartbeat on the ultrasound, it would ease my peace of mind but if I didn't I think it would just make things worse.... She did hear the pulse of my placenta, so that is good.
The options are:
1. The baby is developing behind the placenta and we just can't see or hear it
2. I actually had a miscarriage and got pregnant again right away meaning that I'm not as far along as we thought. This sounds ridiculous because I didn't experience any bleeding but the midwife says it CAN happen and the body could have absorbed the bleeding...or something like that.
3. I have a blighted ovum - which basically gives you the signs of pregnancy (including increased hcg levels) but no baby. if this were the case, I should have already miscarried by now... but its a possibility.
The thing is...even if there is a complication with the baby, we wouldn't do a D&C anyway. So, we'd have to wait for my body to naturally miscarry. So, what's the point of going for another ultrasound. The next appointment is on June 13th. We can only pray that by then we will hear a heartbeat.
Oh and my blood sugar levels were pretty good. They were a tiny bit high but not alarming. :-)
Friday, May 13, 2011
My big boy
Every day my litle baby gets more and more independant. This was a big day, though...
He had been practicing making his own oatmeal and today he did every step ALL BY HIMSELF!!
He got his bowl, scooped his oatmeal, reached the milk on the top shelf (I can't believe he is THAT tall) poured his own milk, microwaved it himself (and even used oven mits to get the hot bowl out) and then poured just the right amount of frozen blueberries.
Its amazing how excited one can get about oatmeal...but I am THRILLED. One less thing I have for do FOR him. Woo hoo!
My big boy
He had been practicing making his own oatmeal and today he did every step ALL BY HIMSELF!!
He got his bowl, scooped his oatmeal, reached the milk on the top shelf (I can't believe he is THAT tall) poured his own milk, microwaved it himself (and even used oven mits to get the hot bowl out) and then poured just the right amount of frozen blueberries.
Its amazing how excited one can get about oatmeal...but I am THRILLED. One less thing I have for do FOR him. Woo hoo!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Jesus
We all have different perceptions of what Jesus is like.
I've imagined him as strong, loving, compassionate, full of grace.... the list goes on and on and on..
But, Javan has a way of describing Jesus a little different than the average adult.
Here are a few of the many comments that i hear out of Javan over and over again several times a week.
Can you jump over that huge building? nope. nobody can. Only Jesus can if he wanted to
If Jesus wanted to stomp in a mud puddle he could and he could stomp so hard he would make the whole world shake.
You know, Jesus could eat this whole town if he wanted to.
Today, I put Javan in time out because he talked back to me. I said "You can't talk disrespectfully to me like that. Actually, you can't talk disrespectfully to ANY adult" Javan replies "Even Jesus?"
Its interesting to me how he is trying to figure out on his own who Jesus is.. what he is like.
I've imagined him as strong, loving, compassionate, full of grace.... the list goes on and on and on..
But, Javan has a way of describing Jesus a little different than the average adult.
Here are a few of the many comments that i hear out of Javan over and over again several times a week.
Can you jump over that huge building? nope. nobody can. Only Jesus can if he wanted to
If Jesus wanted to stomp in a mud puddle he could and he could stomp so hard he would make the whole world shake.
You know, Jesus could eat this whole town if he wanted to.
Today, I put Javan in time out because he talked back to me. I said "You can't talk disrespectfully to me like that. Actually, you can't talk disrespectfully to ANY adult" Javan replies "Even Jesus?"
Its interesting to me how he is trying to figure out on his own who Jesus is.. what he is like.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Fwd: New Message
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At the festival they had all stores of airwalk things for the kids to play on. AND IT WAS ALL FREE. We were expecting to pay something. Javan had an awesome time.
As we were leaving we saw a booth selling trees for in the neighborhood. I really wanted to put a shady tree in our back yard. Lance wasn't completely sold on buying a tree, so I entered my name in a silent auction. AND I WON!!!
Lance and Javan planted our tree the next day while I napped :-) I'm such a lucky lady.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Oh baby baby!
Yes, we are PREGNANT! and super excited. Of course, the past few weeks have been quite the whirlwind.
I have irregular periods so I started calculating from my first positive pregnancy test that I got on March 19th. We met our midwife the week before Easter and she couldn't hear a heartbeat yet, but it was still a little early so she wasn't worried. What she WAS worried about was my Glucose levels were off the charts! So, she scheduled an appt for me to come to the birth center where she works to get some bloodwork done there.
In the meantime, we decided since it was Easter weekend we should tell our close friends and immediate family. I'm not a good secret keeper and I didn't think i could handle hanging out with Lance's family for Easter and NOT say anything!! haha.
At this point, we thought we were 10 weeks along. We made this video and sent it to my immediate family.
The following Thursday is when everything went down hill. At this point, I thought I was a full 10 weeks along but the nurse could not find a 10 week old fetus in my tummy AT ALL. She was very concerned that there was something terribly wrong. They couldn't find a heartbeat either.
****start panicking now*****
They took my blood to test my hcg levels. HCG is the hormone that starts producing when you get pregnant. The HCG should double every 48-72 hours in a healthy pregnancy. They also took my blood sugar levels.
My blood sugar levels were something crazy high like 270. I have to monitor my diet for the next few weeks and we will revisit the glucose issue and determine if its gestational diabetes and how to manage THAT.
My HCG looked good. She said that maybe I was around 7.5 weeks. But the real test was NEXT week they would take my HCG levels AGAIN and make sure they are increasing. They should double every few days.
****tick tock***
The most torturous couple of days....
it has been a great opportunity to curl up in my Heavenly Father's lap and soak up his love and peace.
Well, I got my HCG levels today. They were 39,000...they are INCREASING! Praise God! Its great news.
Predicting how far along you are by your HCG levels is nearly impossible. Here is a chart I found:
- 3 weeks LMP: 5 - 50 mIU/ml
- 4 weeks LMP: 5 - 426 mIU/ml
- 5 weeks LMP: 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
- 6 weeks LMP: 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
- 7 - 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
- 9 - 12 weeks LMP: 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
- 13 - 16 weeks LMP: 13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
- 17 - 24 weeks LMP: 4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
- 25 - 40 weeks LMP: 3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
- Non-pregnant females: <5.0 mIU/ml
- Postmenopausal females: <9.5 mIU/ml
* These numbers are just a GUIDELINE-- every woman’s level of hCG can rise differently. It is not necessarily the level that matters but rather the change in the level.
The ranges of these numbers is so wide, there really is no way to predict due dates at all! My midwife said if i really want to know my due date I can have a diagnostic sonogram. We decided to opt out of that. The midwife agreed with our decision, having a sonogram won't change anything and if there is a complication there isn't anything we can do about it anyway. We will have a sonogram later on when we find out the sex of the baby.
In the meantime, if we are going to have a miscarriage then I'm going to leave that in God's hands and let it run its course.
Please continue to pray for my health (blood sugar levels) and that our baby is healthy and growing.
We have a doctors appt on May 16th to tackle the blood sugar issue. Maybe we will hear a heartbeat then :-)
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