Missing

Yesterday, I kissed my baby goodbye as he spent the night with daddy and anticipated his trip to Disney World with Grandma and Pa Pa.  From Wednesday through Monday Javan will be enjoying sunny weather and hopefully a run in with Buzz Light Year. 

Lance and I, on the other hand are looking forward to a QUIET relaxing week of being able to sleep in and get some things done around the house....  

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up at 1am. I don't know if I had a bad dream or what it was BUT... I couldn't fall back asleep after countless trips to the bathroom... drinks of water...blah blah blah.

I was thinking about Javan and how much I missed him ALREADY.  I started thinking of worse case scenarios like if he got hurt or WORSE while he was gone.  I started thinking about when he is a teenager that   he might want to live with Chad... only because "the grass is greener on the other side" and I couldn't stop thinking about THAT! How I could help him to see that living with us would be the safer more stable option.  What could I do now to help him make wise choices as a teenager (this thinking comes from the Love and Logic book, which we LOVE).  

By 3am I was still thinking about what ifs... and just missing his little cuddle sooooo much.... hating that he wasn't sleeping in the room next to us, safe and sound.

I did eventually fall asleep. I think I looked at the clock last at 3:30. I definitely wasn't expecting all of this anxiety about him being gone....lets hope the rest of the week goes smoothly.